Imagine if in a game of chess you could declare in the middle of the game that pawns could move side to side one space as well as move forward one space. It would certainly make the game more interesting, and if you had set things up at that stage of the game to take advantage of the pawns being able to move that way, you would have the upper hand against your opponent.
Of course games don't work that way, but why not life? Why do have to follow an exact process or flow to get something done? If what we do differently is not immoral, illegal, or dangerous what difference does it make? What is wrong with saying "I don't care if this is the way it is always done, I'm doing it my way!"?
When confronted with a task/project/process that impacts one of your vulnerabilities, instead of sighing and putting forth a best faith effort that you know will fall short - but at least you'll get it over with, change the rules of the game. Consider how can you change the task to fit one of your strengths or talents.
In the comments I would love to hear how you might have done this (maybe even without thinking) in your life (work, personal, it doesn't matter). Give it some thought. If you share in the comments, I will bet you will start thinking about some other obstacles that you can overcome the same way.
09 March, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
change the rules of the game
playing in pen
I love solving Sudoku puzzles. I always write on them in pen. One might think that I solve Sudoku puzzles in pen so that I can show how confident I am in each step I take to solve the puzzle. One might also think I do it to ensure that I think each move through since it is often difficult to trace back where the mistake was made and just erase those steps. One would be right.
There is one more reason I work on Sudoku puzzles in pen though. When I do make a mistake that I can't recover from, I can just crumple up the puzzle and throw it away. I am reminded that sometimes I fail, but like with most of what we do in life that failure is inconsequential in the overall scheme of things. There are billions more puzzles to solve, and the failure to solve one correctly neither diminishes my desire nor my ability to solve others; I simply did not solve that particular one. It helps me keep the failures along my journey in perspective.
06 March, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
There is one more reason I work on Sudoku puzzles in pen though. When I do make a mistake that I can't recover from, I can just crumple up the puzzle and throw it away. I am reminded that sometimes I fail, but like with most of what we do in life that failure is inconsequential in the overall scheme of things. There are billions more puzzles to solve, and the failure to solve one correctly neither diminishes my desire nor my ability to solve others; I simply did not solve that particular one. It helps me keep the failures along my journey in perspective.
06 March, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
working on a vulnerability
The issue with concentrating on and working to "correct" a vulnerability is that you spend time (and possibly money) that will have little or no useful return. If you are not "wired" for a certain task or you simply despise doing it, no amount of training or positive thoughts about it are going to make a noticeable difference. The time you spend making a marginal improvement could have been spent making large strides in honing and developing your strengths and talents.
So is there a time you should actually work on a vulnerability? I can only think of one. If you get pleasure from the activity/task/whatever then consider it a hobby or an avocation that you pursue when you have the time. Take those Ballroom Dancing lessons if you've got the time and the money (and if you have been concentrating on your strengths to achieve your goals and dreams you may very well have it). Who cares if you'll never be on "Dancing with the Stars"?
Just don't let it interfere with the real passions and work you have in front of you.
04 March, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
So is there a time you should actually work on a vulnerability? I can only think of one. If you get pleasure from the activity/task/whatever then consider it a hobby or an avocation that you pursue when you have the time. Take those Ballroom Dancing lessons if you've got the time and the money (and if you have been concentrating on your strengths to achieve your goals and dreams you may very well have it). Who cares if you'll never be on "Dancing with the Stars"?
Just don't let it interfere with the real passions and work you have in front of you.
04 March, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
what is wrong with a little vulnerability?
All of us will admit to some vulnerabilities or weaknesses. Some we are happy to ignore; few of us are concerned we do not possess the talent to be movie stars, but if they concern our work or personal life in the slightest we obsess over them. So we spend money and more importantly, time, taking courses, going to seminars, or reading books desperately trying to "fix" what is perceived to be broken. For some reason, we believe we need to be Superman (or woman). We forget of course that even Superman had a vulnerability (and it was a doozy!)
The real problem lies not with your vulnerability, but with the perception of how important it is, and the belief that it indicates something needs to be fixed within you. The reality is that there are some vulnerabilities you cannot eliminate, no matter how hard you try. Nothing is broken, nothing requires fixing, they are what they are, they are part of what makes you, you.
Accept your vulnerabilities and find ways (and people!) to compensate for them. You'll find it more rewarding, and far more enjoyable.
02 March, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
The real problem lies not with your vulnerability, but with the perception of how important it is, and the belief that it indicates something needs to be fixed within you. The reality is that there are some vulnerabilities you cannot eliminate, no matter how hard you try. Nothing is broken, nothing requires fixing, they are what they are, they are part of what makes you, you.
Accept your vulnerabilities and find ways (and people!) to compensate for them. You'll find it more rewarding, and far more enjoyable.
02 March, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
can anyone help?
If you aren't going to be a lone wolf, then you need a pack to run with. So will any old pack do? The short answer is NO. The full answer is a little more involved. First, let me drop the wolf metaphor; unlike wolves we humans can belong to or at least associate with multiple groups. However, we have limited time and resources so it is impossible to give a large amount of attention to a wide variety of groups.
We belong to a number of networks or groups by default: school classmates or former classmates, office mates (if you work in an office), family, neighbors. Members of some of these networks can be invaluable in helping you cope with some of the more common changes that occur on a day to day basis (just as an example, when my car needed to be serviced over a weekend recently my wife's family lent us one of their cars so we wouldn't be grounded).
It is the out of the ordinary change that can often go outside of the expertise or experience of our immediate (and most comfortable) networks. The solution, so we are told, is to expand our network... do the "networking" thing. Unfortunately, much of networking is "shotgun" style: point, blast, hope the spray hits something.
Choose your networking efforts based on the challenges or changes you are trying to address. Remember that the most effective networking requires developing relationships, and we have limited bandwidth for those relationships. Look at the organization sponsoring a networking event. Who are they aiming at? If it is a "business networking" group you can bet the attendees are mostly concerned about finding referrals and leads. A lot of service groups attract an extremely diverse crowd. Check around your existing networks to see if anyone has any experience with a group.
This approach may sound cold, impersonal, and analytical, but networking is a tool. If you want to survive change, then you need to use the tools around you effectively. Not everyone can help you with the changes you are trying to make or deal with. Find the ones who can, and work hard to develop strong relationships with them. And the others? Well, you can always add them in with the rest of your 1,500 friends on Facebook; who knows maybe they will become part of your inner circle at a later date for a different set of reasons.
24 February, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
We belong to a number of networks or groups by default: school classmates or former classmates, office mates (if you work in an office), family, neighbors. Members of some of these networks can be invaluable in helping you cope with some of the more common changes that occur on a day to day basis (just as an example, when my car needed to be serviced over a weekend recently my wife's family lent us one of their cars so we wouldn't be grounded).
It is the out of the ordinary change that can often go outside of the expertise or experience of our immediate (and most comfortable) networks. The solution, so we are told, is to expand our network... do the "networking" thing. Unfortunately, much of networking is "shotgun" style: point, blast, hope the spray hits something.
Choose your networking efforts based on the challenges or changes you are trying to address. Remember that the most effective networking requires developing relationships, and we have limited bandwidth for those relationships. Look at the organization sponsoring a networking event. Who are they aiming at? If it is a "business networking" group you can bet the attendees are mostly concerned about finding referrals and leads. A lot of service groups attract an extremely diverse crowd. Check around your existing networks to see if anyone has any experience with a group.
This approach may sound cold, impersonal, and analytical, but networking is a tool. If you want to survive change, then you need to use the tools around you effectively. Not everyone can help you with the changes you are trying to make or deal with. Find the ones who can, and work hard to develop strong relationships with them. And the others? Well, you can always add them in with the rest of your 1,500 friends on Facebook; who knows maybe they will become part of your inner circle at a later date for a different set of reasons.
24 February, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
celebrate every success
Virtually everything you do can be broken down into small component parts or steps. Some are linear: do step 1, then do step 2, and finally do step 3. Some are non-linear: do this (call it step 1), then do something else (maybe it is the third or fourth step or piece of the process described). The order or process is not what matters. It is the doing. The challenge is to continue "the doing" in the face of failures and frustrations, or maybe just a task that overall seems insurmountable (there are how many steps to this!?).
One simple thing you can do to motivate yourself is to celebrate every success. If you are trying to lose weight and you lose a pound, pump your fist, get a high five! Celebrate the loss of that silly pound (just don't eat a Dairy Queen Sundae to celebrate! There are limits after all). It doesn't matter how small or large the success is, the fact of the matter is it is a success - it is progress.
Is this contradicting what I have said about "positive thinking"? No. I don't want you to imagine a success and celebrate it, have a success and celebrate it. There is an old adage: "Success breeds success." You can't breed more successes unless you recognize something as a success in the first place.
Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to go celebrate writing another blog entry!
23 February, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
One simple thing you can do to motivate yourself is to celebrate every success. If you are trying to lose weight and you lose a pound, pump your fist, get a high five! Celebrate the loss of that silly pound (just don't eat a Dairy Queen Sundae to celebrate! There are limits after all). It doesn't matter how small or large the success is, the fact of the matter is it is a success - it is progress.
Is this contradicting what I have said about "positive thinking"? No. I don't want you to imagine a success and celebrate it, have a success and celebrate it. There is an old adage: "Success breeds success." You can't breed more successes unless you recognize something as a success in the first place.
Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to go celebrate writing another blog entry!
23 February, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
