Delegating is one of the more obvious ways to work around a vulnerability; assuming that you believe it can be delegated in the first place. Let's take networking as an example. Since networking is all about developing relationships it would not seem to be a good candidate for delegation. Unless you break it down into its component parts.
The first step in networking is actually introducing yourself to a particular person. If you are particularly shy, that vulnerability can make "breaking the ice" a difficult task. Most books I have read on the subject concentrate on "fixing" your shyness. What if we approach it from another direction? Why not have someone you know introduce you to a few people? Delegate the difficult ice-breaking to a friend who is familiar with the person you are trying to engage, or someone who does not share your shyness vulnerability. The only downside is that it limits the number of people you might meet at a particular event (your friend is probably going to wander away at some point and do their own networking), but meeting a few people is still better than meeting none.
You can delegate far more than you think if you take a minute to break down tasks that seem to defy delegation into smaller parts. What else can you think of that defies delegation?
31 March, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
Archives for March 2010
you can't delegate that
relax
Using the principals I espouse, I usually get a lot done in a typical day. I walk/jog between 3.75 and 6 miles, visit anywhere from one to three or four clients, work on my book (more on that another time), write blog entries, help my wife cook dinner and clean up after, follow up on off-site work for clients... the list goes on, but it is starting to get boring.
Occasionally, I have a day like today. I relax. I do my walk, I do a few things around the house, but for the most part I do not do anything "important". Maybe I watch a movie with my wife, maybe I read a bit, it doesn't matter. Days like this help me stop and smell the roses, they remind me that there are a whole lot of things to enjoy in life and not all of them involve money or work.
Most importantly, I recharge, I unwind. I get ready to pick up my full schedule again.
Part of being effective is knowing when to stop, catch your breath, and take a look around you. You don't need to be going 24X7, there simply can't be so much in your life so unbelievably important that you can't take a little break and enjoy the sunshine, the smile of your significant other, the laughter of children, or the wag of a dog's tail. Give yourself permission to relax and enjoy!
27 March, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
Occasionally, I have a day like today. I relax. I do my walk, I do a few things around the house, but for the most part I do not do anything "important". Maybe I watch a movie with my wife, maybe I read a bit, it doesn't matter. Days like this help me stop and smell the roses, they remind me that there are a whole lot of things to enjoy in life and not all of them involve money or work.
Most importantly, I recharge, I unwind. I get ready to pick up my full schedule again.
Part of being effective is knowing when to stop, catch your breath, and take a look around you. You don't need to be going 24X7, there simply can't be so much in your life so unbelievably important that you can't take a little break and enjoy the sunshine, the smile of your significant other, the laughter of children, or the wag of a dog's tail. Give yourself permission to relax and enjoy!
27 March, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
incremental victories
Wars are won through a series of battles that advance your side toward an ultimate goal. Your life proceeds similarly (hopefully without bloodshed). Your vulnerabilities will be with you your entire life and unless you spend your days locked in a room, you will face a never ending series of challenges that engage those vulnerabilities during that life.
The key is to see those those challenges as you would a war - to be fought in small battles. Sounds obvious but I see so few people doing it. They see the challenges before them and become overwhelmed. Take apart a problem. Break it into small pieces. Then see whether you can change the rules of the game, ignore it, or delegate it. Finish one battle, move on to the next.
Sorry for the testosterone loaded war metaphor, but it was either sports or war, and I hate sports metaphors even more than war ones.
20 March, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
The key is to see those those challenges as you would a war - to be fought in small battles. Sounds obvious but I see so few people doing it. They see the challenges before them and become overwhelmed. Take apart a problem. Break it into small pieces. Then see whether you can change the rules of the game, ignore it, or delegate it. Finish one battle, move on to the next.
Sorry for the testosterone loaded war metaphor, but it was either sports or war, and I hate sports metaphors even more than war ones.
20 March, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
in praise of doing nothing
One way to work around a vulnerability is to simply avoid or eliminate tasks and jobs that engage them.
Obviously, you can't just avoid or eliminate everything that you don't like, can't do well, or aren't comfortable with, but, it is truly amazing how many things are done both in business, and life in general, simply because they have always been done. A process becomes ingrained, and accepted as part of the status quo.
Are there things in your life that really aren't that important to you, but you were told throughout your life the criticality or importance of these things, or that if you don't do them you would somehow be incomplete or a bad person? Maybe you just convinced yourself that these things, whatever they might be, were important (a simple way to denigrate yourself perhaps?).
Admittedly, there is a fine line between deciding something isn't important and using that as an excuse to not pursue something you truly desire (one is realism, the other an excuse or sour grapes). However, if you can keep that line clear, you will find yourself a lot happier and more effective.
Can you think of something that plagues you but really and truly isn't that important? Care to share?
19 March, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
Obviously, you can't just avoid or eliminate everything that you don't like, can't do well, or aren't comfortable with, but, it is truly amazing how many things are done both in business, and life in general, simply because they have always been done. A process becomes ingrained, and accepted as part of the status quo.
Are there things in your life that really aren't that important to you, but you were told throughout your life the criticality or importance of these things, or that if you don't do them you would somehow be incomplete or a bad person? Maybe you just convinced yourself that these things, whatever they might be, were important (a simple way to denigrate yourself perhaps?).
Admittedly, there is a fine line between deciding something isn't important and using that as an excuse to not pursue something you truly desire (one is realism, the other an excuse or sour grapes). However, if you can keep that line clear, you will find yourself a lot happier and more effective.
Can you think of something that plagues you but really and truly isn't that important? Care to share?
19 March, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
the perfect excuse
While listening to someone arguing with a fitness coach about losing weight, the phrase "I love myself the way I am" made my ears perk up. From the point of view of "positive thinking", this is a potent argument against taking action on your vulnerabilities. Who can argue with "I am what I am and I accept that"? I have said that having vulnerabilities (and in some cases of weight problems the inability to say no to the wrong kind of foods could be considered a vulnerability) does not mean you are broken, so shouldn't I agree whole-heartedly with that use of "positive thinking"?
Uhh, no.
Putting positive spin on a vulnerability is just another way of throwing your hands up in the air and giving up. Of course now instead of beating yourself up and feeling guilty, you can actually feel virtuous that you see yourself in such a positive light (and this applies to many, many things besides weight - that was just the topic that got this started).
Don't fall into that trap. No you aren't broken, but if a vulnerability is preventing you from achieving something you desire, or interfering in your life somehow (and if it isn't, well, there is a discussion about that coming up), you need to look at the ways you can work around it. Think of unique ways to change the rules of the game, or look for assistance (i.e. delegate). Don't surrender or give up, and don't rationalize a vulnerability with "positive thinking".
17 March, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
Uhh, no.
Putting positive spin on a vulnerability is just another way of throwing your hands up in the air and giving up. Of course now instead of beating yourself up and feeling guilty, you can actually feel virtuous that you see yourself in such a positive light (and this applies to many, many things besides weight - that was just the topic that got this started).
Don't fall into that trap. No you aren't broken, but if a vulnerability is preventing you from achieving something you desire, or interfering in your life somehow (and if it isn't, well, there is a discussion about that coming up), you need to look at the ways you can work around it. Think of unique ways to change the rules of the game, or look for assistance (i.e. delegate). Don't surrender or give up, and don't rationalize a vulnerability with "positive thinking".
17 March, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
letting them choose the way
I would like to but...
I couldn't do that...
It probably wouldn't work anyway...
These are the kinds of phrases we use to limit ourselves. The underlying theme in all of these types of self-limiting statements is that we can't do something or make something happen because of a weakness we have.
A variation on the self-limiting statements above, but worse in its own way (and one that had trapped me for years), is: "I'll just do this because that's what I'm good at." Whether "this" energizes us or not. Whether "this" makes us jump out of bed in the morning or not. Whether "this" actually engages our strengths or not.
We let our vulnerabilities choose our way for us.
Look at some of the ideals you have abandoned, projects you never started, or are still thinking wistfully about. Now consider what was the vulnerability you had that kept you from it. How could you work around that vulnerability? Now pick one and go do it. Feel free to share in comments.
10 March, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
I couldn't do that...
It probably wouldn't work anyway...
These are the kinds of phrases we use to limit ourselves. The underlying theme in all of these types of self-limiting statements is that we can't do something or make something happen because of a weakness we have.
A variation on the self-limiting statements above, but worse in its own way (and one that had trapped me for years), is: "I'll just do this because that's what I'm good at." Whether "this" energizes us or not. Whether "this" makes us jump out of bed in the morning or not. Whether "this" actually engages our strengths or not.
We let our vulnerabilities choose our way for us.
Look at some of the ideals you have abandoned, projects you never started, or are still thinking wistfully about. Now consider what was the vulnerability you had that kept you from it. How could you work around that vulnerability? Now pick one and go do it. Feel free to share in comments.
10 March, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
change the rules of the game
Imagine if in a game of chess you could declare in the middle of the game that pawns could move side to side one space as well as move forward one space. It would certainly make the game more interesting, and if you had set things up at that stage of the game to take advantage of the pawns being able to move that way, you would have the upper hand against your opponent.
Of course games don't work that way, but why not life? Why do have to follow an exact process or flow to get something done? If what we do differently is not immoral, illegal, or dangerous what difference does it make? What is wrong with saying "I don't care if this is the way it is always done, I'm doing it my way!"?
When confronted with a task/project/process that impacts one of your vulnerabilities, instead of sighing and putting forth a best faith effort that you know will fall short - but at least you'll get it over with, change the rules of the game. Consider how can you change the task to fit one of your strengths or talents.
In the comments I would love to hear how you might have done this (maybe even without thinking) in your life (work, personal, it doesn't matter). Give it some thought. If you share in the comments, I will bet you will start thinking about some other obstacles that you can overcome the same way.
09 March, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
Of course games don't work that way, but why not life? Why do have to follow an exact process or flow to get something done? If what we do differently is not immoral, illegal, or dangerous what difference does it make? What is wrong with saying "I don't care if this is the way it is always done, I'm doing it my way!"?
When confronted with a task/project/process that impacts one of your vulnerabilities, instead of sighing and putting forth a best faith effort that you know will fall short - but at least you'll get it over with, change the rules of the game. Consider how can you change the task to fit one of your strengths or talents.
In the comments I would love to hear how you might have done this (maybe even without thinking) in your life (work, personal, it doesn't matter). Give it some thought. If you share in the comments, I will bet you will start thinking about some other obstacles that you can overcome the same way.
09 March, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
playing in pen
I love solving Sudoku puzzles. I always write on them in pen. One might think that I solve Sudoku puzzles in pen so that I can show how confident I am in each step I take to solve the puzzle. One might also think I do it to ensure that I think each move through since it is often difficult to trace back where the mistake was made and just erase those steps. One would be right.
There is one more reason I work on Sudoku puzzles in pen though. When I do make a mistake that I can't recover from, I can just crumple up the puzzle and throw it away. I am reminded that sometimes I fail, but like with most of what we do in life that failure is inconsequential in the overall scheme of things. There are billions more puzzles to solve, and the failure to solve one correctly neither diminishes my desire nor my ability to solve others; I simply did not solve that particular one. It helps me keep the failures along my journey in perspective.
06 March, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
There is one more reason I work on Sudoku puzzles in pen though. When I do make a mistake that I can't recover from, I can just crumple up the puzzle and throw it away. I am reminded that sometimes I fail, but like with most of what we do in life that failure is inconsequential in the overall scheme of things. There are billions more puzzles to solve, and the failure to solve one correctly neither diminishes my desire nor my ability to solve others; I simply did not solve that particular one. It helps me keep the failures along my journey in perspective.
06 March, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
working on a vulnerability
The issue with concentrating on and working to "correct" a vulnerability is that you spend time (and possibly money) that will have little or no useful return. If you are not "wired" for a certain task or you simply despise doing it, no amount of training or positive thoughts about it are going to make a noticeable difference. The time you spend making a marginal improvement could have been spent making large strides in honing and developing your strengths and talents.
So is there a time you should actually work on a vulnerability? I can only think of one. If you get pleasure from the activity/task/whatever then consider it a hobby or an avocation that you pursue when you have the time. Take those Ballroom Dancing lessons if you've got the time and the money (and if you have been concentrating on your strengths to achieve your goals and dreams you may very well have it). Who cares if you'll never be on "Dancing with the Stars"?
Just don't let it interfere with the real passions and work you have in front of you.
04 March, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
So is there a time you should actually work on a vulnerability? I can only think of one. If you get pleasure from the activity/task/whatever then consider it a hobby or an avocation that you pursue when you have the time. Take those Ballroom Dancing lessons if you've got the time and the money (and if you have been concentrating on your strengths to achieve your goals and dreams you may very well have it). Who cares if you'll never be on "Dancing with the Stars"?
Just don't let it interfere with the real passions and work you have in front of you.
04 March, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
what is wrong with a little vulnerability?
All of us will admit to some vulnerabilities or weaknesses. Some we are happy to ignore; few of us are concerned we do not possess the talent to be movie stars, but if they concern our work or personal life in the slightest we obsess over them. So we spend money and more importantly, time, taking courses, going to seminars, or reading books desperately trying to "fix" what is perceived to be broken. For some reason, we believe we need to be Superman (or woman). We forget of course that even Superman had a vulnerability (and it was a doozy!)
The real problem lies not with your vulnerability, but with the perception of how important it is, and the belief that it indicates something needs to be fixed within you. The reality is that there are some vulnerabilities you cannot eliminate, no matter how hard you try. Nothing is broken, nothing requires fixing, they are what they are, they are part of what makes you, you.
Accept your vulnerabilities and find ways (and people!) to compensate for them. You'll find it more rewarding, and far more enjoyable.
02 March, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
The real problem lies not with your vulnerability, but with the perception of how important it is, and the belief that it indicates something needs to be fixed within you. The reality is that there are some vulnerabilities you cannot eliminate, no matter how hard you try. Nothing is broken, nothing requires fixing, they are what they are, they are part of what makes you, you.
Accept your vulnerabilities and find ways (and people!) to compensate for them. You'll find it more rewarding, and far more enjoyable.
02 March, 2010 | mtomsho | Leave comment - 0
